0 Motivation. 100 Deadlines.

Having 0 motivation, but 10000 deadlines running at you at full force is annoying and stressful.

I know that I have an essay due at the end of the month. I have to write 2500 words for an essay due in 3 weeks. I have a 1000 word workshop paper due in a week. I have a lot of deadline coming up within the next month. And yet I have 0 motivation.

I get up in the morning, and I get that feeling of dread come over me. But I still can’t find the motivation to do much work.
My friends message me about what work they’ve done, about how much reading they’ve done or how many words they’ve added to their essay. And yet I can stare at my essay for an hour and only manage to write 20 words. If that. And I hate seeing their messages, as horrible as that sounds, because it just makes me feel worse about myself.

I just have no motivation. I cancel my appointments with people because I can’t seem to bring myself to get out of bed. I say to myself ‘Right, that’s it. You’re going to get up in the morning and you’re going to do some reading and get your essay written. You’re going write at least 200 words’. And yet I open my notebook. I open my laptop. I open the word document with my essay on. I make a cup of tea and I sit down at the table and look at the reading I have to do. But I can’t find the motivation to do anything. I tend to sit there and feel my heart getting faster as I get more anxious about how close deadlines are coming. I then feel more down because I know that I’m still doing nothing and I still feel horrible.
I know I’ll probably get the work done – eventually – because I don’t want to fail. I can’t fail. But will it be to the best of my ability? Probably not.

I don’t even feel that this is something I can tell anybody either. I tell my friends and they say ‘Oh yeah I have no motivation either’ as they write 1000 words in an hour. Or they say ‘everybody feels like this’. And they do, you’ll probably find no uni student wants to write their essay. But when I say I have no motivation. I mean that I can’t even manage to get myself out of bed half the time. And if I do, I don’t do any work. I can’t tell my parents because they’ll tell me to just get on with it. I can’t tell university because I don’t want them to think I’m incompetent. I can do this, I know I can. I just need to find the motivation.

It’s a bit shit.

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